Friday, July 16, 2010

Moments of clarity

It's funny how I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life at 19 but only realize it now. Wanting to make things and have a brand / store named after my cat, was something that made me so happy inside but seemed too silly of an idea to even concoct as a way of making a living. I was too busy then trying to rationalize digital art making as a career choice and contemplating loneliness at my grocery store job. I actually felt bad about my being when my supervisor made me stay overtime because I didn't clean my cash register counter properly. A few years later I learnt she was on leave due to a mental breakdown.

Rather then slowly moving up the emotional ladder so to speak I've been stuck at 0 on x and gradually made my way down the minuses on y. Looking back I can see it was a crucial time for independence and I should have forced my way out somewhere and found my own head. Although I've always been introspetive and contemplative it often reached the point of overanalyzation which is basically self-sabotage and is a perfect recipe for "too afraid to go anywhere, do anything. be anyone".

I don't think it's too late to do anything about that, yet.

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